Winter is Dangerous

I have finally gotten to the root of my hatred for winter. Winter is dangerous.

Oh I know about the wonders of soft, fluffy flakes gently bouncing off of cheeks and lashes, got it. I also have experienced great times skiing on new powder, and sledding with the kids followed by sipping warm cocoa while our socks and mittens dry, yeah, yeah, yeah. I do know about the many “wonders” of winter, I am not a curmudgeon, but I am done with it all. Been there, done that and I am not amused.

As I have aged, I have found winter less appealing, more so each consecutive year. At first, I thought it was the cold – I hate being cold. I hate waking up with a chill in the room, however slight. I hate feeling chilly.

However, I actually don’t mind a brisk walk in the cold, if I am dressed for it. But I hate feeling my hands turn numb in less than a minute if I am not wearing mittens from the car to a store. Everyone knows you can’t wear mittens or gloves into a store because one will get lost - it will be left behind on a counter, in a cart, or parking lot. Everyone knows that. If you don’t, then you are most likely sporting a mismatched pair of something.

I also don’t like the snow on the roads. When it snows, people drive like 16 year olds – either way too slow or waaaay too fast. It’s a crapshoot out there.

Ice is my next complaint. Our city has decided that salt is evil and therefore, only uses it sparingly (after major accidents) on the roads. Living on a steep, S shaped hill is always challenging in the winter. If the ice doesn’t get me on the roads, it manages to surprise me on a sidewalk. It sneaks up on me and when I least expect it, down I go. What an adrenaline rush.

What really is hard about winter is when it gets dangerously cold. Like 20 below with a stiff wind insuring that, my dog, car and me are all going to die if I spend over a minute outside. I say a prayer to the patron saint of car mechanics and hope it works (in case you are ever in need, her name is Saint Catherine of Alexandria).

It is always something in the winter. The other night, I smelled something funny and realized that my trusty space heater (which had been on 24/7 for about a month), was silently melting. Dang. I really needed that heater for our family room, which has windows on three sides.

Next up, the electricity got all sassy just because I had a space heater and two hair dryers going at once. Everything went dark. Try and have the house go dark on a freezing cold night and see what that does to your psyche.

Have I mentioned the cracks, and inexplicable noises I hear when it is really cold? The sonic booms my roof makes when ice is cracking? Or the groans from the deck when I replace the birdseed? It sounds like the deck is going down and taking me to the snowy depths below.

I am not even going to get into carbon moxide poisoning, frozen water pipes, fires caused by dirty fireplaces, and ice damns.

I cower like a dog in this weather. I retreat to a warm room with my charged Kindle and just wait it out. I pray to Santa Ana (patron saint of heat and grace) and ask for more degrees. I wait, believing Julie Andrews that “these silver white winters will melt into springs.”

And, just as I am feeling a little bit OK that things will be fine, I must listen to every radio and TV news announcer tell me about how dangerous this icy world is. They report every spin out, every story of human frostbite, and every missing digit that fell victim to the snow blower. They talk incessantly of how to recognize hypothermia and what to put into your emergency survival kit so that if you get stuck on the way to the liquor store, you can survive (what the heck, good reason to pull over and eat the chocolate in the kit).

If I get stuck, I really hope it’s on my way back from the liquor store. Just saying.

Click here for safety tips!

On the fence and I am not coming down.......

I am on the fence.

There has been so much fanfare about the recent failure of the senate to pass gun control legislation. Facebook was all over it last week. The people on the left side of this argument are angry with the NRA for exerting its considerable influence over the senators. The people on the right are angry that legislation is being considered as a “feel good” measure only.

First of all, I want to be as safe as the next person, but I don’t like… hate… abhor guns in my home. They scare the beegeezus out of me and I want them as far away from me as possible. As for hunting rifles, I could no more shoot an animal than I could streak naked down the street. I have no use for them and I fear them more than I fear an intruder will some day appear in the darkness of my home, CSI style.

I also completely understand another person’s fascination and attraction to guns. Not all gun owners and wannabe gun owners are crazy. As much as I abhor them, I can see why some people find them fascinating and cool, much like cars, computers, and rockets. I think they can serve a useful purpose and I admit, I have imagined trying one out at a gun range.

I have just a couple of problems with this gun business and they illustrate quite nicely why I am on a fence…..

I am not sure why individuals need to own guns that can fire several hundred rounds per minute (and that number is conservative). I just double-checked the calendar and it is, indeed, 2013. The British, Spanish, and French are long gone and currently, no country is attempting to expand its empire, north, south, east or west. I think the only thing we have to fear, is fear itself…So, defending ourselves against foreign (or domestic) interests seems far fetched, at least to me. I am decidedly all in favor of limiting and perhaps even banning assault weapons. No fence needed.

I am also very much a sister to those who would prefer people who are not of sound mind or who have broken some major, bad ass laws be kept as far away from guns as possible. Good idea. For sure. The only problem I see is that these types of people are not the ones walking into gun stores and shopping around. They get their guns from people who have passed those safeguard checks. Expanding the background checks will not make me feel safer, even a little bit. The bad people are bad people. They steal, trespass, lie, and shoot at the good guys. So passing a law that only tightens background checks seems like a law to make everyone feel better even if it won’t actually make them safer. Personally, it feels like a waste of time.

So what to do? Clearly, we have a big problem in this country. A lot of people own guns, too many. I do admit cheering for the storeowner who, when a bad guy tries to unlawfully grab his money, deftly procures a gun and says, “Make my day,” aka Clint style. Love those stories, they never get old. Yay for guns!

Then there are the tragic stories of children examining a gun they have discovered and it goes off, maiming or killing someone - heartbreaking episodes that leave me filled with anger and grief for that child.

I would like to think that gun owners keep guns in secure, locked locations, far away from children, and would be thieves. Some do, but far too many do not.

A few months ago, I read that locally, some children found a gun and one fatally shot the other by accident. It turns out that the father owned several guns and he kept them hidden in very clever places all over the home - in a basket of laundry (it was in the basement, so it was all good) in a duffle bag in a closet (dark, so that for sure, is safe), and under his pillow (completely safe) and that one was loaded, ready to go for God knows what…I don’t know what to think of this guy. Kids explore everywhere, they leave no stone unturned, nothing is secret (they get it from looking for the Christmas presents, duh). The guy was grief stricken and I wanted to throttle him.

Here is what I suggest:

1. We should require IQ tests, in addition to background checks because stupid people should not own guns, period. Sadly, there are a lot of stupid people out there.

2. We should check the level of testosterone in a candidate’s blood. The higher the level, the smaller the gun. Period.

3. We should punish, in the harshest way, any gun owner who does not lock up his or her guns. If they are stolen because they were available, then that owner should be held responsible for the subsequent consequences from that gun. If an innocent misuses it because it is not locked, then the gun owner gets in big, bad trouble. Grieving is NOT punishment enough.

I believe in the right to bear arms. I also believe that those arms do not need to be sufficient to wipe out a village. I think we should limit the amount and type a person should own and should be able to legislate how they must be stored.

I am just not sure how to do all of that. Until I do, I am staying on the fence.

Family Values, *&$!@$

Today I listened to a radio show interview with a former GOP party leader. She was forced to step down last fall because it was learned that she was having an affair with a staffer. The topic of “family values” came up briefly during the interview but thank God, did not dominate the interview (to be fair, she did not bring it up). Today I had an "aha" moment because I realized just how sick I am of that phrase.

Can I just say one thing to ALL politicians and just about anyone involved in politics (besides you should have your head examined)? Please stop talking about "family values." Stop saying you stand for it. Stop using it as a banner you wave outside the campaign office. Stop wagging your finger at people who make mistakes. Stop. Just stop.

For the record, I am going to just say right now that I think politicians and government should let families sort out their values themselves. Let families figure out their priorities and not people running for political office.

I like values as much as most people and I think our family has exemplary values - we are upstanding people. We dot our i's and cross our t's. However, I am sure there are many fine families out there that have different priorities, different values and are just as wonderful as us.

I married an awesome man, and raised two fine children to adulthood. All are caring, responsible people who make this world a better place to be. I have dear friends that chose same sex partners, and they also make this world a much better place to live in. I have friends who made difficult choices (quite different than I would make) under circumstances very different from mine and I am in no position to judge. I trust people to choose for themselves and I am secure enough in my own choices to know that their choices do not affect my life.

People love to hold up the Cleavers as an example of a bygone era identified by "family values." Weren't things great back then? Families ate together and Ward never spanked - he only had to let Beaver know how very disappointed he was and Beaver instantly caved. June was always home, ready to greet the boys when they ran through the kitchen door with freshly, baked cookies. She never raised her voice and Wally and Beaver never argued. Wally was always there to help the Beaver...it was the epitome of "family values."

Except it was all fake, right down to the pearls June wore around her neck (and Beaver never actually ate his brussel sprouts).

I grew up during that time, and my recollections were very different. We had a large family and we only ate with my parents on Sunday nights. We were too busy to wait for Dad to get home besides, we were too many people to fit around a table every night. My parents opted for a more harmonious experience sans the arguing and flying forks. Dad never got "disappointed" he got angry, and the cookies we ate came from a box, which came from a store (we actually preferred the "store bought"). My mom didn't wear her pearls during the day and dresses were for Saturday nights. As for my siblings, let's just say I am grateful I survived.

We did go to church, usually, and sometimes we all went together! But to be honest, church participation was spotty after we entered our teen years. You know, I can't recall if the Cleavers attended....

Make no mistake; I am not attempting to make light of the idea of “family values.” I think values are essential to the stability and success of a family, and especially, community. It is absolutely crucial to impart to your children (if you choose to have them) a sense of values you find important. Instilling a moral compass in our children is paramount in creating people that will successfully carry a society into the future. We like values, to be sure and we made sure our children knew them.

When they were little, they once commented on a strange person wandering the streets, loudly talking to himself. I reminded them that God loves everyone equally. In God’s eyes, they were just as lovable as that man. Sobering words for small children. I’m pretty sure at the time, they thought I was mistaken - but they knew where I stood.

We told them not to lie, even if they thought they could get away with it. The consequences for lying were always worse than for the transgression they committed.These two lessons, don’t judge and don’t lie, will take you pretty far in life and they probably cover just about everything a child needs to know.

We were far from perfect, but we tried very hard to model our expectations and I think they turned out pretty good.

So how did this idea of “family values” creep its way into politics? I know the party responsible, but I think both political parties use the phrase to each’s advantage. The Tea Partiers use it as a rallying cry against same sex partnerships and abortions. The Dems use it to vilify anyone that has affairs, cheats, or even for those who are a little too religious to suit the left leaners. It is hurled at anyone in either party that screws up, even if they have never uttered the phrase “family values.” Each continues to point the finger at each other.

Can I be granted two wishes?

I wish this phrase would disappear from politics.
I wish politicians would stay out of our personal lives.

Newsflash to politicians: I don't care where you stand on "family values." It is none of your business (or my business) the choices families make. You can't legislate your brand of morality. I will not vote for you because you stand for "family values," and I may even vote against you because of it.

Get righteous about the budget...

Freebies

I recently read an article (I am notorious for clicking on links that take me places I have never been…). It said something like “If you want to learn how to score hotel freebies, click here." It claimed to offer “insightful” and “unexpected” advice. Who doesn’t want to know how to get free stuff? I clicked.

Apparently, it was a recap of a book someone wrote, Heads in Beds: A Reckless Memoir of Hotels, Hustles, and So-Called Hospitality, by Jacob Tomsky. Really? Someone wrote an entire book on hotel freebies and advice? I should have stopped right there.

Basically its “advice” was to lie, cheat, steal, and when that fails, bribe.

Apparently, when checking in, you should slip the agent a “bill.” Folks, he’s not bringing me a drink, or refilling my water glass, he’s just taking my credit card information and giving me a key card. It’s his job……

For the record, if I want an upgrade, I politely ask for it. I make sure I am friendly and upbeat and try very hard to make their job a little easier. Last year when my husband and I traveled to Chicago, the wait for check-in was really long. It was the lunch hour and it appeared as if some staff was on break. The people waiting were understandably upset and angry. I was polite, friendly and understanding and asked if I could have a nice room. I was given a lovely, huge corner room overlooking Michigan Ave., and all my “bills” were intact.

My advice: When checking in, be nice, friendly, and polite and it helps to sign up for the free loyalty membership in advance of your visit.

Next juicy tidbit: Tip the valet. Wow, gee, I had no idea that that was the custom. Does this guy think we just fell of the hay truck? I’ll just pretend that I never saw that tip.

Next up: Give the bellman $2 per bag when he helps you to your room. Bellmen? Do people really use those? My husband and I (and everyone else in the free world) have rollers on our suitcase. Back in the old days (before wheels were invented) that advice would make sense….my tip is that the author should get some new luggage.

My advice: Just wheel your luggage yourself, use the $5 to get a snack.

The next tip concerns what to do about that maid. If I ask someone to clean my room, I will offer a tip. They are performing a thankless job and I appreciate a clean room. I show my appreciation by leaving a tip. However, I must confess, I don’t like strangers in my room. If it is a short stay, we usually decline the service. I make beds at home; I can make beds while traveling. As long as we have sufficient towels and toiletries, we are good to go. The maids are in fact, only too happy to give me what I ask for from the ubiquitous cart. Actually, I am certain they would rather have one less room to clean than the few bucks.

Here is some good advice: If you leave a tip, leave a note next to it saying, “Thanks!” I have had some maids that did not take the tip because it wasn’t made obvious that it was for them.

Mr. Tomsky continues with how to score “extra freebies.” He suggests that you enjoy and make free use of the minibar. When you check out, just deny you ever used it. According to this expert, it is a “horrible stance” for the hotel to take to not believe you. In other words, lie. I think his advice is a “horrible stance.”

Mini bars suck. They are way too expensive and that just pisses me off. Can I afford $5 for a bag of pretzels? Sure (especially since I didn’t use the bellman), but I am not going to because of the principle (which, clearly, Mr. Tomsky does not have). I never use them.

My advice: Buy a bottle of wine, bottled water and some snacks from a nearby pharmacy and ignore the minibar.

Mr. Tomsky also has great advice with how to enjoy a free movie. Go ahead, order, and enjoy. Then, “once you’ve finished watching your movie just call down to the front desk and tell them the movie just froze in the middle or it turned off suddenly.” Be assured that you are not really stealing because the hotel pays a movie subscription fee and therefore, is not out any money.

What?

I am guessing that the subscription fee is pretty pricey, and sure, they make a profit, but it is stealing. I sure hope Mr. Tomsky does not have children…..

My advice: Wait until you get home to rent a movie. If you must see a movie on vacation, stream it with a Netflix subscription on your laptop.

Finally, the best advice yet: How to score a free bathrobe. By now, I think you get the hang of his advice. So if you guessed to simply steal it, give yourself a gold star. Yep, all you have to do is call down and tell them you are missing a bathrobe, then “in the time it takes someone to come up and deliver you another one, you can stash the extra robe right into your suitcase.”

Wow, what a stand-up guy. Maybe I should go easy on someone that doesn’t even own a robe.

My advice: If you really love the robe, buy it. If you can’t afford it, you can’t have it. Same advice I gave to my kids. Geeesh.

Needless to say, I won’t have Heads in Beds: A Reckless Memoir of Hotels, Hustles, and So-Called Hospitality on any shopping list.

In my opinion, Mr. Tomsky has a few things wrong with his moral compass. Gee, I wonder how Mr. Tomsky would feel if someone just decided to put a copy of his book in their purse, or even beter - illegally downloaded it…