So What?

What is all the fuss about Caitlyn Jenner (or Bruce if you just can’t come to grips with calling him Caitlyn)?  I have been following his story, along with millions of others as his transformation has evolved. At first, I thought it was just the paparazzi creating a story where one didn’t exist, but then when he had the Adam’s apple surgery, I began to think the story had legs (because no one would do that on a whim). So what?

I have seen postings on the story in all kinds of media outlets, Twitter, Facebook, newspapers, TV,  etc. I see and hear the comments and am flabbergasted at the vicious, hateful, judgmental posts from complete strangers that know nothing about Bruce/Caitlyn. Honestly, I am shocked.

Who cares? Why are so many people worrying about something that has absolutely no effect on their lives?  Every day, all across this beautiful planet, in cities, towns, villages etc., people are making decisions that are vastly dissimilar from ones I would make for myself, and I am just fine with that. As long as these decisions don’t result in harm to me, or anyone else, I say go for it. I will still sleep soundly at night and live my life just fine.

How is this decision any different from any other personal decision a person makes about being true to themselves? Body piercings, tattoos, clothing, hair color, fashion, makeup, all are ways to differentiate ourselves and I am OK with it all. Personally, I would never get a tattoo because it is so permanent, but I don’t hate it on others (well, some I do). I am occasionally shocked with some tattoos and how much of the body they cover, but it isn’t my body and I didn’t have to endure the pain so why should I care? The same is true of multiple body piercings, not my bag and I can’t figure out why people would want them, but hey, as long as you keep sharp objects away from me, we are cool. But I digress…..

I have read some people call him/her a “sin against nature,”  and also a comment that, “God doesn’t make a mistake.” My first reaction was to laugh, and I did when I read it. My mirth didn’t last long because almost immediately, I was angry.

With regards to the “sin against nature,”  how dare anyone accuse another of sinning when the action caused no harm? Sinning is kind of a personal thing people, because it involves a great deal of religious connotations many people do not subscribe to. As far as using Bible passages as proof, forget about it - I don’t use the Bible to set my moral compass. Some people do and good for them, I mean it, good for them. The operative words being “good for them,” as in, not for me. Faith is a wonderful thing, but let each person practice what he or she believes and not project his or her faith onto someone else.

As far as “God never makes a mistake,” all I can say is what do you say about babies born with cancer? Or children born with congenital defects that are so severe they do not get to see a birthday? I’m not calling these mistakes, but rather, I don’t blame God for everything that I see as hurtful, wrong or different from my way of thinking.  I hardly think of a person who cannot identify with the sex they are born with as a mistake. Because someone identifies with another sexual identity or orientation is not a mistake, just a fact of life. If it is or isn’t a choice, so what? If that is what a person needs to be to feel whole, then so be it, why on earth would I care?

Before I wrote this, I Googled “transgender suicides,” (because, let’s face it, Google has become our “go to” source for anything we want to know, or to prove. I think my daughter has it speed dialed into her phone, she uses so often to prove me wrong…..).  I wanted to see the statistics on transgender suicides because I watched the Diane Sawyer interview with Bruce, and he spoke of the pain so many transgenders endure.

The statistics are staggering. From just the sources I read, about 40- 50 percent of all transgenders have attempted suicide at some point. I’m not going to document my sources, look it up yourselves, it is a sobering statistic. Even if the number is inflated, it is still jaw dropping, to me. I suspect that there are others who aren’t bothered by transgender suicide attempts, but I am. All suicides bother me and for reasons I think which are obvious to any human with compassion.

Why would anyone ever choose this type of lifestyle change, endure the hatred and judgments of strangers, unless living in a body with a sex you don’t identify with is a living hell?  And what about those that just like to crossdress, you know, as a choice?  So what, I have absolutely no clue why anyone cares what someone else does. Why is it that women can dress as men, act like men and it is cool, edgy, acceptable - we shrug our collective shoulders and carry on.  So if a man wants to dress and act as a woman we quote the Bible, judge, froth at the mouth (figuratively speaking, of course) and basically act as if society will unravel right before our very eyes.

I have read comments about Caitlyn Jenner that suggest that transgenders are mentally ill. Really? So doing something that makes you feel whole, happier, and able to live life feeling healthy is a mental illness? I disagree. Caitlynn sounds a lot healthier and happier now than she did as Bruce. The gold medals didn’t do it for her, being the top athlete in the world didn’t do it, the fame didn’t do it, and being on a trendy TV show didn’t do it. Sounds like living all of this felt like a lie and was hell for him living that life. Coming out as a woman, living a life she always identified with, did it, (or is doing it, I guess). If she is happier now, then everyone can relax and move along.

So what?

My Happy Place

I'll admit, I like Facebook. I haven’t reached the level of contempt and disdain that others apparently have about it. I often hear people complain, and others swear that they are done and are going to delete their account. However, I still enjoy the communication it affords me. I like having the ability to sustain connections with people I otherwise would never maintain contact with.

I like posting pictures, and animal stories that make me cry, checking in when I am on the run, sharing amusing things which make me laugh, and I like the freedom to say what I have on my mind. I enjoy the pictures people share, especially the ones of children and animals. I am certain that not every one of my friends always cares about what I am posting, but so what? If they don’t like it, they can just scroll on by, no harm done.

I don’t like to use Facebook to express my political opinions. Oh sure, I might click on a like button once in a while or make a comment about someone else’s posting, but rarely, if ever, do I post about a current, political issue.  If I feel the need to comment on someone else’s posting, it isn’t to propagate my personal beliefs, but rather to point out something in the post I feel is wrong or misleading. I am polite, factual, and as brief as I can be, at least I try, to be polite that is.  

I have opinions, yes. To be sure, I have strong feelings on certain issues, and I feel I am right. But the purpose of posting my heartfelt opinion is moot – I would never be able to change anyone’s mind because other people with a disparate opinion think they are right also. Frankly, I am not even sure I would want to change their mind.  I don’t consider myself a member of any particular party. I do not agree with the totality of any one party’s platform. I easily lean both right and left and sometimes, I sit on my virtual fence.  I know how I feel about some issues in general, but I am open to evaluating dissimilar ideas.  I am far from perfect and that is exactly why I avoid stepping into the political arena on Facebook.  

I have friends who are just the opposite. From the content of their Facebook page, it appears as if the sole basis for why they post is to express political opinions. Fair enough.  Just as I like to keep things neutral, they like to use it as a virtual Speakers’ Corner. And I think that is just as valid a reason for using Facebook as mine. To each his own. Fortunately, Facebook allows us to choose what we don’t want to see just as easily as what we like to see. If I don’t like someone’s postings, I just eliminate it from my feed.

That isn’t to say that I eliminate the people I disagree with, far from it. I actually enjoy the postings that are wildly different from my opinions. Some make me laugh, some make me think, and some make me search for more information. I appreciate these postings and think of them like collecting coins or pebbles - some are more fine than others but collectively, they make a nice assortment of things to ruminate on.

What I don’t like are the postings that make a broad sweep of any one group and then proceed to deride that group, often under the guise of a “joke.” These are comments, which originate from a pack mentality, and are comparable to something frequently heard on a grade school playground. These comments are oftentimes directed at religious groups, political parties, a particular sex, a state, or even a country.  If you belong to a stated group, then you are laughed at, insulted, put down, intimidated or otherwise offended.  My problem with such comments is that it is insulting to assume every member of a group thinks alike, as if there can be no differentiation of thought.

Not all Republicans are rich, greedy and unethical just as not all Democrats disregard the value of hard work, independent thinking, or entrepreneurship. Not all Catholics believe that birth control is evil or that gay marriage will destroy civilization. Not all Muslims are terrorists, nor are all women who wear a burqa unable to think for themselves or feel demeaned. And finally, not all illegal aliens are here to get everything handed to them. I hate comments that assume every member of a group holds the same opinions, behavior and motivation, and I dislike very much any comments that are intentionally insulting.

If I ever wanted to convince someone that my way is the right way, I wouldn’t do it by hurling insults. The only thing that accomplishes is to create a deeper divide and strengthen animosity. It is dismissive of larger issues and creates divergent paths, not allowing for dialogue.

I work in a school, a school that works tirelessly to prevent bullying and to create a safe environment for children to learn and exchange ideas. As a community, city, state, and country, we strive to wipe out bullying and discrimination. Though not always successful, we continue our efforts. I have seen insulting postings from people who if asked, would condemn bullying and say that they have worked to extinguish it. Then they fire up the computer and just do it in a different forum, but it is still bullying. I suspect, they don’t see it as bullying because they get so many “likes” on their postings and so many like minded comments. So if all of your friends think it is OK…..sound familiar?

Go ahead, post an opinion on Facebook, be angry, and cry out about things you find outrageous.  It’s OK to be mad about a news story, a political event or a politician even, and it’s OK to use Facebook to comment and tell your friends. But people, please leave the insults out. I want to hear how you feel but if you make insulting jokes, comments or post rude pictures, I won’t be your friend anymore…….

Facebook is my happy place and I intend to keep it that way.

News Alert: Christmas is Over, St. Patrick's Day Approaches!

A friend recently commented on why it was so long between my last posting and my current one. I answered, “I guess I wasn’t inspired.”  I realize how idiotic that response was. Over 365 days, and nothing inspired me. Obviously, I have not been paying attention, but recently I have noticed something …Why on Earth are Christmas decorations still up?

I will explain how it works at our house (as I am charge of all things Christmas). The lights go up whenever there is a warm weather opportunity within a few weeks of Thanksgiving. They do NOT get plugged in until the official start of the holiday, the day after Thanksgiving (don’t even get me started about stores and people that fudge that start date). Our lights are proudly displayed throughout the holiday season, which ends the day after New Year’s, at which point the plug is pulled. I will grant some leeway for the white lights if it is: 1) cold, and 2) snowy. Once the snow and cold moderate, turn off the lights, thank-you.

I think there are homes in Edina that must be competing for how long they can leave their lights up. Seriously, it is a land that time has forgotten; you would swear Christmas is just around the corner, with so many light displays still burning brightly. I made a snide comment last week and my son immediately defended the ones with “white lights”  as being OK in the winter. No, unless you are serving dinners on your patio, just no. Lights are wrong when approaching April.  I don’t even like the red ones for Valentine’s Day or the green ones for St Patrick’s Day. Lights are for Christmas. The reason they are pretty during the holidays is because they are special, as in DOESN’T HAPPEN OFTEN. If we keep lights up until spring and beyond, then it isn’t special at Christmas. I blame these selfish, light hoarders for ruining the “Christmas Spirit” for the rest of us.

It isn’t as if we have had a winter like LAST year. Last year, I understood, everyone understood, you would have to have been from Mars (or Florida) to not have understood. I couldn’t blame anyone for not wanting to step foot outside in the God-awful, frozen tundra.  So no, I don’t really fault anyone for leaving them up, but then simply unplug them, how difficult is that? When illuminated in March, I can only conclude that these people are lazy. Don’t they see them? Aren’t they embarrassed?

As if the lights aren’t enough, I have noticed two other holiday displays still in place as recently as today, and in my own city!  One, a display of wooden cutouts of Santa and Mrs. Claus, and a few other figures, life size no less, and the other is another festive garland of fake pine boughs and festively bright, red bows adorning a charming picket fence spanning a few hundred feet. Both of these holiday trimmings took a great deal of effort to install (more than I would expend), so clearly, these people have had periods where they have experienced bursts of energy. Why have they not noticed what month it is, and if they are aware that St. Patrick’s Day is next week, why are the adornments still adorning?

I know that it is none of my business, and I will not say a thing to them, write them a discrete note, look up city statutes, or even gift them with one of the many calendars I received from Christmas. I will simply pass by, bite my tongue, and maybe silently ask St. Lawrence (patron saint of the lazy) to give them a nudge.

The F Word(s)

I have learned. After LAST winter, I have experience. I know how to survive (and I know the correct prayers for no snow).

To survive winter, the key is in the F word or words….Fleece, Flannel and Fire.

Fleece – I bought a Fleece jacket at the U of Michigan M Den. I was cheap, so I bought it from the boys’ section. One of the benefits of being a short person, is that I can buy products from the boys’ section for much less money. In the winter, I wear this jacket about 80% of my waking hours. I confess, I have two jackets, both equally warm, but one has bright yellow shoulders and is a bit flashy. I wear it only while in Michigan or on game days, cuz, well it is game day so people here need to deal.

Flannel – A few years ago, I made myself some flannel PJ’s, not the granny style, but the kind with a top, jacket style, and a separate bottom. Folks, these are warm, warm warm, and the beauty of it is you wear a tank underneath so it is comfortable while sleeping, just ditch the jacket.  I go from my fleece, to my workout, then to my flannel PJ’s. Very Minnesotan.

Fire – Best home improvement we ever did was to install a gas fireplace. I love wood burning fires, but I am terrified (and would worry endlessly) of a creosote fire happening from the buildup and I am not a fan of cleaning out the c*$p in a fireplace, not to mention the mess, and the smoke, and the danger. With the gas, you just turn it on and get warm. Did I mention the remote control?

As winter is finally loosening its grip on us, and spring is within reach (a possible 50 by next week), I realize that I haven’t complained once about this winter. I have survived nicely, the anti-snow prayers have been most effective, and I have found the F words get the job done.  As spring approaches, here is what I am most looking forward to:

Sunsets that you can actually watch and savor

Sleeping with the windows open

Long days and nights

Bonfires

Biking, oh, I have missed biking

Eating outside at restaurants

The sounds of children playing in the neighborhood (and even the fights, I like those very much)

The sounds of birds, owls, squirrels running through the woods, coyotes (when they're nice, and not  chewing cats), and the odd ramblings of wild turkeys

Color in the landscape, especially green (have you ever noticed that in winter on cloudy days, there is no color outside? Everything is gray, a little brown and white)

Lilacs

The first dandelion (makes me giddy, for real)

The smell of cut grass

Getting a new dog (I sure miss Claudia; this will be the first spring without her)

Thunderstorms

Activity on the lake involving boats and swimming and not shacks (good grief)

Margaritas and Gin and Tonics

Planting and smelling dirt

Talking to neighbors for longer than a quick wave and a hello

Grilling

Baseball games

How about you?