Family Values, *&$!@$

Today I listened to a radio show interview with a former GOP party leader. She was forced to step down last fall because it was learned that she was having an affair with a staffer. The topic of “family values” came up briefly during the interview but thank God, did not dominate the interview (to be fair, she did not bring it up). Today I had an "aha" moment because I realized just how sick I am of that phrase.

Can I just say one thing to ALL politicians and just about anyone involved in politics (besides you should have your head examined)? Please stop talking about "family values." Stop saying you stand for it. Stop using it as a banner you wave outside the campaign office. Stop wagging your finger at people who make mistakes. Stop. Just stop.

For the record, I am going to just say right now that I think politicians and government should let families sort out their values themselves. Let families figure out their priorities and not people running for political office.

I like values as much as most people and I think our family has exemplary values - we are upstanding people. We dot our i's and cross our t's. However, I am sure there are many fine families out there that have different priorities, different values and are just as wonderful as us.

I married an awesome man, and raised two fine children to adulthood. All are caring, responsible people who make this world a better place to be. I have dear friends that chose same sex partners, and they also make this world a much better place to live in. I have friends who made difficult choices (quite different than I would make) under circumstances very different from mine and I am in no position to judge. I trust people to choose for themselves and I am secure enough in my own choices to know that their choices do not affect my life.

People love to hold up the Cleavers as an example of a bygone era identified by "family values." Weren't things great back then? Families ate together and Ward never spanked - he only had to let Beaver know how very disappointed he was and Beaver instantly caved. June was always home, ready to greet the boys when they ran through the kitchen door with freshly, baked cookies. She never raised her voice and Wally and Beaver never argued. Wally was always there to help the Beaver...it was the epitome of "family values."

Except it was all fake, right down to the pearls June wore around her neck (and Beaver never actually ate his brussel sprouts).

I grew up during that time, and my recollections were very different. We had a large family and we only ate with my parents on Sunday nights. We were too busy to wait for Dad to get home besides, we were too many people to fit around a table every night. My parents opted for a more harmonious experience sans the arguing and flying forks. Dad never got "disappointed" he got angry, and the cookies we ate came from a box, which came from a store (we actually preferred the "store bought"). My mom didn't wear her pearls during the day and dresses were for Saturday nights. As for my siblings, let's just say I am grateful I survived.

We did go to church, usually, and sometimes we all went together! But to be honest, church participation was spotty after we entered our teen years. You know, I can't recall if the Cleavers attended....

Make no mistake; I am not attempting to make light of the idea of “family values.” I think values are essential to the stability and success of a family, and especially, community. It is absolutely crucial to impart to your children (if you choose to have them) a sense of values you find important. Instilling a moral compass in our children is paramount in creating people that will successfully carry a society into the future. We like values, to be sure and we made sure our children knew them.

When they were little, they once commented on a strange person wandering the streets, loudly talking to himself. I reminded them that God loves everyone equally. In God’s eyes, they were just as lovable as that man. Sobering words for small children. I’m pretty sure at the time, they thought I was mistaken - but they knew where I stood.

We told them not to lie, even if they thought they could get away with it. The consequences for lying were always worse than for the transgression they committed.These two lessons, don’t judge and don’t lie, will take you pretty far in life and they probably cover just about everything a child needs to know.

We were far from perfect, but we tried very hard to model our expectations and I think they turned out pretty good.

So how did this idea of “family values” creep its way into politics? I know the party responsible, but I think both political parties use the phrase to each’s advantage. The Tea Partiers use it as a rallying cry against same sex partnerships and abortions. The Dems use it to vilify anyone that has affairs, cheats, or even for those who are a little too religious to suit the left leaners. It is hurled at anyone in either party that screws up, even if they have never uttered the phrase “family values.” Each continues to point the finger at each other.

Can I be granted two wishes?

I wish this phrase would disappear from politics.
I wish politicians would stay out of our personal lives.

Newsflash to politicians: I don't care where you stand on "family values." It is none of your business (or my business) the choices families make. You can't legislate your brand of morality. I will not vote for you because you stand for "family values," and I may even vote against you because of it.

Get righteous about the budget...

Freebies

I recently read an article (I am notorious for clicking on links that take me places I have never been…). It said something like “If you want to learn how to score hotel freebies, click here." It claimed to offer “insightful” and “unexpected” advice. Who doesn’t want to know how to get free stuff? I clicked.

Apparently, it was a recap of a book someone wrote, Heads in Beds: A Reckless Memoir of Hotels, Hustles, and So-Called Hospitality, by Jacob Tomsky. Really? Someone wrote an entire book on hotel freebies and advice? I should have stopped right there.

Basically its “advice” was to lie, cheat, steal, and when that fails, bribe.

Apparently, when checking in, you should slip the agent a “bill.” Folks, he’s not bringing me a drink, or refilling my water glass, he’s just taking my credit card information and giving me a key card. It’s his job……

For the record, if I want an upgrade, I politely ask for it. I make sure I am friendly and upbeat and try very hard to make their job a little easier. Last year when my husband and I traveled to Chicago, the wait for check-in was really long. It was the lunch hour and it appeared as if some staff was on break. The people waiting were understandably upset and angry. I was polite, friendly and understanding and asked if I could have a nice room. I was given a lovely, huge corner room overlooking Michigan Ave., and all my “bills” were intact.

My advice: When checking in, be nice, friendly, and polite and it helps to sign up for the free loyalty membership in advance of your visit.

Next juicy tidbit: Tip the valet. Wow, gee, I had no idea that that was the custom. Does this guy think we just fell of the hay truck? I’ll just pretend that I never saw that tip.

Next up: Give the bellman $2 per bag when he helps you to your room. Bellmen? Do people really use those? My husband and I (and everyone else in the free world) have rollers on our suitcase. Back in the old days (before wheels were invented) that advice would make sense….my tip is that the author should get some new luggage.

My advice: Just wheel your luggage yourself, use the $5 to get a snack.

The next tip concerns what to do about that maid. If I ask someone to clean my room, I will offer a tip. They are performing a thankless job and I appreciate a clean room. I show my appreciation by leaving a tip. However, I must confess, I don’t like strangers in my room. If it is a short stay, we usually decline the service. I make beds at home; I can make beds while traveling. As long as we have sufficient towels and toiletries, we are good to go. The maids are in fact, only too happy to give me what I ask for from the ubiquitous cart. Actually, I am certain they would rather have one less room to clean than the few bucks.

Here is some good advice: If you leave a tip, leave a note next to it saying, “Thanks!” I have had some maids that did not take the tip because it wasn’t made obvious that it was for them.

Mr. Tomsky continues with how to score “extra freebies.” He suggests that you enjoy and make free use of the minibar. When you check out, just deny you ever used it. According to this expert, it is a “horrible stance” for the hotel to take to not believe you. In other words, lie. I think his advice is a “horrible stance.”

Mini bars suck. They are way too expensive and that just pisses me off. Can I afford $5 for a bag of pretzels? Sure (especially since I didn’t use the bellman), but I am not going to because of the principle (which, clearly, Mr. Tomsky does not have). I never use them.

My advice: Buy a bottle of wine, bottled water and some snacks from a nearby pharmacy and ignore the minibar.

Mr. Tomsky also has great advice with how to enjoy a free movie. Go ahead, order, and enjoy. Then, “once you’ve finished watching your movie just call down to the front desk and tell them the movie just froze in the middle or it turned off suddenly.” Be assured that you are not really stealing because the hotel pays a movie subscription fee and therefore, is not out any money.

What?

I am guessing that the subscription fee is pretty pricey, and sure, they make a profit, but it is stealing. I sure hope Mr. Tomsky does not have children…..

My advice: Wait until you get home to rent a movie. If you must see a movie on vacation, stream it with a Netflix subscription on your laptop.

Finally, the best advice yet: How to score a free bathrobe. By now, I think you get the hang of his advice. So if you guessed to simply steal it, give yourself a gold star. Yep, all you have to do is call down and tell them you are missing a bathrobe, then “in the time it takes someone to come up and deliver you another one, you can stash the extra robe right into your suitcase.”

Wow, what a stand-up guy. Maybe I should go easy on someone that doesn’t even own a robe.

My advice: If you really love the robe, buy it. If you can’t afford it, you can’t have it. Same advice I gave to my kids. Geeesh.

Needless to say, I won’t have Heads in Beds: A Reckless Memoir of Hotels, Hustles, and So-Called Hospitality on any shopping list.

In my opinion, Mr. Tomsky has a few things wrong with his moral compass. Gee, I wonder how Mr. Tomsky would feel if someone just decided to put a copy of his book in their purse, or even beter - illegally downloaded it…